Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
