ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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