wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
