Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
