Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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