I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
