exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
