He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize