You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
