It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
