i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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