the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
