was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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