I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
