Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
