yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
