Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
