My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize