Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
