Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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