worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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