I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I checked into jail on foursquare
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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