Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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