I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
