when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
