i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
