who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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