I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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