I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Dick very happy bro
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
