dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
