ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
