You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
