you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
