Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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