If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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