I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
