My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...