if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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