what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We had sex on a dog bed..
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
