I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're making bets on your personal life
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize