it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
