I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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