you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
