what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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