I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
