why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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