I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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