It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
