WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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