Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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