I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
im calling her cock vulture from now on
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
