And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
