is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
