i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
This baby is an asshole
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
