I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
