Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i out mim tonsoeep
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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