there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
