We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
