My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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