and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize