We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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