so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
