i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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