I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
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