i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
