I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have grass duct taped all over my body
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
