she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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