I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
