Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
