You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
