you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
