we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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