you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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