yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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