Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
