i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
