I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
