How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
