the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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