broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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