She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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